The Real John Kirkwood
John was born about 3 million BC or so, give or take a millennium. He was raised by a kindly family of sabre-tooth cats, until at last he grew up and ate them one by one.
Using an old tree stump and some sabre-tooth cat-gut strings, he was able to construct his first guitar, and achieved amplification by 'plugging in' to a woolly mammoth.
Throughout the ages, he was single handedly responsible for destroying several species of early man, and discovered fire by overloading one of his woolly amplifiers.
After a brief stay in Atlantis, where he accidentally pulled the giant plug with the sign reading, "do not pull this plug or the island will sink," he travelled as a one being act through the Zamma Quarter of the Galaxy, to an amazing response, then returned to Gondwana land during the late Twentieth century to help form Final Notice.
Occasionally chases small insects with a V8 chainsaw. His favourite saying is, "Glup."
